Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts

What is Jealousy and why does it Hurt so much?

Question - What is Jealousy and why does it Hurt so much?

Osho - Jealousy is one of the most prevalent areas of psychological ignorance about yourself, about others and more particularly, about relationship. People think they know what love is -- they do not know. And their misunderstanding about love creates jealousy.

By `love' people mean a certain kind of monopoly, some possessiveness -- without understanding a simple fact of life: that the moment you possess a living being you have killed him.

Life cannot be possessed. You cannot have it in your fist. If you want to have it, you have to keep your hands open. But the thing has been going on a wrong path for centuries; it has become ingrained in us so much that we cannot separate love from jealousy. They have become almost one energy.

For example, you feel jealous if your lover goes to another woman. You are disturbed by it now, but I would like to tell you that if you don't feel jealous you will be in much more trouble -- then you will think you don't love him, because if you loved him you should have felt jealous.

Jealousy and love have become so mixed up. In fact, they are poles apart. A mind that can be jealous cannot be loving, and vice-versa: a mind that is loving cannot be jealous.

Why does ego it exist?

Q. During meditation do we need to keep ourselves awake so that we know that we are meditating? If I fall into a state of not fully being awake or I fall asleep, is there any good in my meditation at all?


M. Yes, it's a good sleep. (Laughter.)


Q. I have been on a vegetarian diet for three months, but I can't cross my legs because there is a problem with my legs. So, am I qualified for initiation? And can you comment on posture in meditating?


M. Then don't cross your leg for God's sake. Do what you want with your legs. I don't want your legs. I just want your enlightenment, okay.
Q. After initiation and if Master is not with us, if I have any problems with my meditation, what should I do?
M. The Master is always with you, hm. Master is not the body. We are wisdom. We are connected with the whole universe. And the master who is worth his name is omnipresent. So, whenever you are in trouble, the Master knows. And the Master is always helping you to progress. Whether you see the Master or not, it depends on your power of samadhi. Otherwise, Master is twenty-four hours awake and taking care of you. So don't worry, okay?
Q. Master, You are very beautiful and have much to offer. I am glad to be here. My question has to do with the ego. What are we to do with it, if anything, and why does it exist?


M. I see. The ego doesn't exist actually. The ego comes from the information that we collect during our time, and during our inter-relationships with others or with all things around us, yes.
For example, when you were born, you had no ego. But when you grow up and then you know yourself to be beautiful or handsome, yes, then, the ego begins to grow yeah. And everybody praises you. Wa! you're beautiful! And then, You have a Ph.D.! You grow more in pride, and that is the ego, yeah. But, don't worry about it. It's just a good accessory sometimes. And you can throw it away anytime you don't need. But, you have to have enlightenment first in order to know when to wear it, and when to put it down. Okay?


Initiation Is The Only Way To Reach The Fifth World


Q. What kind of light and sound can I hear when I reach the fifth level? I mean what symbol will let me know if I come to the fifth level of meditation?


M. That I tell you at the time of initiation. Because I cannot just tell you like that at random. I don't know what kind of meditation you do. If you want to elaborate further, maybe it's better, um. The fifth level is meant for the initiated people only, not for other disciples. They couldn't even reach the first.
Q. Dear Master, I'm married, but I sometimes have dreams of being with other beautiful girls. How do I prevent these dreams? Am I creating heavy karma? Please tell me.
M. It's alright! Just enjoy your dreams okay?! (Laughter.) Just don't do it in the reality. Otherwise, your wife will not let you enjoy it. And keep it a secret. What can we do with dreams? Right? Forgive yourself. It's okay!
Q. When does the soul enter the body? Is it before our birth or after our birth? How can it happen if we are born as a twin?


M. No, because you like to stick together, I guess, huh! You have affinity with each other, um. And you want to go out at the same time to have companion. No problem about twins, yeah. We are twins ourselves. We have both feminine and masculine aspects inside. And we, if we reunite that, we're happy, um. Forget about the physical aspect.


Experience Is Better Than Empty Talk


Q. Dear Master, please let us know more about energy, the relationship between energy, peace and love. The only thing we know from science is that energy can not be destroyed or created. Energy can be transformed from one kind to another kind. Some say God is energy, God is love. What do you think?


M. I think these are only sayings. Before you experience that, all sayings are empty. I do not like to be a living dictionary but an example of the true knowledge. When you are enlightened, you understand this energy and all the metaphysical questions. Energy is many kinds, negative and positive. When we are enlightened, we balance both and make use of them for the purposes in life and in the right time, the right situation. I told you already. If we are enlightened, the world will be at peace. No need to change anything. Of course, that is peaceful energy that we radiate after enlightenment.


Q. How to affect our beloved, such as husband or wife, to be a more moral person. Is there a special method to help them?

M. Yes, enlightenment. Enlightenment helps you to be sharper in all feelings, yeah. And you'll be a better wife, be better husband even. Many of our initiates claim that their married life became much better after both of them practiced God's presence, yeah, the light and sound. Before that they just had a kind of very lukewarm relationship, or cold to ice cube. And after enlightenment they know how to care for each other and then feel more toward each other, um.


Q. Dear Master, I had a lot of nightmares in childhood. Now the nightmares are gone, but, I still dream frequently every night. Please tell me are these dreams involved with my karma?


M. Maybe you had a very rough life before, um. You lived in truly nightmarish life . Therefore, the influence still lingers up till now. Well I sounds like advertising manager, but enlightenment is also for everything. If you want to live a fearless life, and dreamless life, then, of course enlightenment is the answer.

When we violate the laws of nature then we suffer


Q: What is the significance of Arghya (offering water to the sun)?


Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Water is symbol of love. In fact, in Sanskrit, it is synonymous to love.
‘Apa’ means water and it also means love. That is why, someone very close to you, what do you call them? Apta – means very dear. Apa and Apta are very close.
So, giving water is not important, feeling the connection with the sun is important.
What people used to do was they used to hold water in their hands and let the water leak out of the hand slowly, and for that much time they used to do sun gazing. You look at the sun, gaze and allow the water to seep down. So you need to know timings - It will take a couple of minutes, maybe two or three minutes for the water to leak out. Till that time, you gaze at the sun and let the water leak out and you will see that your body gets energized.
That was the technique behind it. Not just giving water to the sun like that, it will not work.

Q: Guruji, you had said that this universe was created by the union of Prakriti (nature) and Paramatma (Supreme Being/God). So going back to the Paramatma, who is Poorna Anand (supreme and absolute bliss) how did this sankalpa (thought/intention) arise in Him?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Yes, it is there in the Upanishads that earlier there was only Paramatma and He felt that He was alone, and He wanted to become many, so He became many. The intention happened on its own ‘ekoham bahusyama’.
Sankalpa is not a deviation. It is not considered as a deviation. When a seeker (sadhak) transcends from the small mind to the Big Mind, then he considers sankalpa as a hindrance. But from the point of view of the Big Mind, it is a step to go further. So if you think why did sankalpa arise in the Paramatma, He should remain unwavering (nirvikalpa) – this is not so. Sankalpa is also Paramatma, nirvikalpa is also Him and vikalpa is also Him. Like in an ocean, waves arise on their own, in Paramatma, a thought arose to become many, so He became many. Different types of nature, different types of people and different types of intelligence were created.

Day before yesterday, I was watching a National Geographic documentary on the creation of Earth. It said that about 400 billion years ago, there was only gas. Gas started spinning and fire erupted. Then from fire, water arose and then the Earth was formed. 

I suddenly realized, ‘Oh this has been said in the Vedas! What new have they said?
In our Vedic knowledge, it is said in the form of shloka - In the space, first there was air, from the air fire arose, from fire water, and from water earth was created. The idea behind giving water to fire is that we go back to ourselves. From water to fire, fire to air and then, we do pranayama after giving arghya to the sun - we go to the air element. From the air we go to the space and then sit in meditation.
All these are different types of stories; examining them more deeply reveals something new.


Q: It is said that we should not keep the photographs of our deceased parents along with the pictures of the gods and goddesses whom we worship. Some people also say that we should not even hang the photographs of deceased parents on the walls of our home. Is it true?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: No, there is no problem with it. You can keep the photographs of your departed parents along with the pictures of god, it is fine. If it is a sanyasi, even his picture can be placed with that of God, even when he is alive. If he is leading a grihastha (married) life, then we do not keep his photograph, such is the practice.

Q: Guruji, please explain the reason for suffering?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Okay, suppose I tell you, you should eat five masala dosa tonight, what will happen to you? Suppose you are force fed five masala dosa or 20 pooris, what will happen to you?
First of all, you will suffer. Tonight you cannot sleep, right? It will create headache, stomach ache and then all types of aches.
Firstly, when we violate the laws of nature, then we suffer. Second, ignorance - if you don’t know what you are eating and you eat some wrong things, then also you will suffer, right? Third is,
if you have violated some laws at some time in the past, in the previous life, that also can bring some karma. So karmaja, agyanaja, and pragyaparadh; three things bring suffering. How to remove the ignorance? Through knowledge and understanding; Asking questions like you are doing.
Q: How to forgive truly?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Truly? Is there any false forgiveness?
I don’t know false forgiveness. I know only true forgiveness. Forgive means forgive, that’s it. Gone is gone, people did mistakes, finished. Move on.
You know why something comes back is because of your attachment to some pleasure. That is not the other’s mistake. Suppose you had some pleasure, someone had given you some pleasure, and then they have cheated you or they did a mistake, you can forgive that mistake, but what comes back is your craving for pleasure. When you see that it is just an illusion, you become more centered.
Q: What is special in 2012?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: You know for us every day is special, every year is special. According to the Hindu calendar, the next year is called ‘nanda’. ‘Nanda’ means happiness. The year of ‘Ananda’.
The past year which ends on March 23rd, is called ‘khara’. ‘Khara’ means for sure, certainty. Before that, it was the year of uncertainty and this year is of certainty, surety. Next year is happiness.

Q: Does the soul experience happiness and sorrow, or the mind experiences it?
My answer is "it is the mind." Let us check with guruji.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Only the mind experiences. All the experiences are of the mind. The experience of the soul is also at the level of the mind. When the mind is calm, then the soul is experienced. The soul is an embodiment of joy. Mind experiences sorrow. When the mind dissolves, then joy is experienced.
Q: Where is the boundary for the mind and soul? Until where is the mind, from where does the soul start?
My feeling is we does not know soul, we are only on the level of mind. Some time we get inner urge from soul. 

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Like there are waves and the ocean. Just as there are waves in the ocean, mind is in the soul. So the mind is not a different entity. It is the wave of the ocean. It comes up a little bit and then calms down, again comes up and then calms down.

very true love it

Q: Guruji, why do some people have to suffer throughout their life? Some people are born in slum areas and keep suffering, whereas some are born in good homes and lead a comfortable, happy life? I want to know. I see others, as well as myself, suffering.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Are you suffering? Tell me if it is your suffering or others’ suffering.
Ans - I am suffering too.
You too? But you are smiling! Looking at your face, it doesn’t seem that you are in great suffering!
Only this is needed! When you are doing sadhana, don’t you see a smile on your face? You smile in difficult times also, that is life. Every difficulty comes to go away. It goes as soon as it comes. No problem stays forever. It comes and goes.
Q: Guruji, is there rebirth?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Absolutely!

Q: Guruji, what should I do to become your favorite disciple?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Just keep doing whatever you are doing, you are already my favorite! Do seva, sadhana, keep coming to satsang, become a teacher. Do good to others.
My disciple itself means my favorite. There is nothing like favorite disciple and non-favorite disciple, okay?

Advantage of being single



You are freer if you have no one to love you. Truly, it is like that. Anything has a price. Even if a person loves you, you must take extra care of him or her, so that he is happy; because if he is not happy, you are not happy. But if a person hates you, pooh... nice, good-bye. Nothing for you to do, nothing for you to worry about. It's not my fault if you hate me. That's good.
.....
We don't wish people to hate us; but actually, the kind of love that we can have in this world is almost bondage. Even the good relationships are only bondage; because in thinking of them, we forget to set each others free. We demand from each other attention, love in return and all these kinds of things. Rarely the love between a couple flows freely without attachment, without demand, without command, without really any condition and without effort.
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Mostly you must make an effort in order to keep it, and any effort takes time and energy. Any person who you love around you, you must take time and attention, even if you don't want to. You just have to pay attention and we are diverted from the one-pointed concentration inside. Not many people can concentrate inside and outside at the same time. Even if he or she can, there must be time and it's time consuming. While you pay attention to these things, you cannot pay attention to that thing. Even if you can remember both things at the same time, you can only do one thing at a time. You cannot pay attention to this one and then also at the same time fully pay attention to the other things.
.....
So, actually we are perfect alone. We know what we have to do and what time to do what. But, unluckily, this world is made of many beings, including human beings; and we have to interact with them all the time if we have to do something, or else just go to the Himalayas, or some other mountain, be alone, do things yourself, that is also good. Maybe this sounds very useless, but it is good.


What is relationship ?

Jiddu Krishnamurti on Relationship

Question: You have often talked of relationship. What does it mean to you?

Jiddu Krishnamurti - First of all, there is no such thing as being isolated. To be is to be related and without relationship there is no existence. What do we mean by relationship? It is an interconnected challenge and response between two people, between you and me, the challenge which you throw out and which I accept or to which I respond; also the challenge I throw out to you. The relationship of two people creates society; society is not independent of you and me; the mass is not by itself a separate entity but you and I in our relationship to each other create the mass, the group, the society.

Relationship is the awareness of interconnection between two people. What is that relationship generally based on? Is it not based on so-called interdependence, mutual assistance? At least, we say it is mutual help, mutual aid and so on, but actually, apart from words, apart from the emotional screen which we throw up against each other, what is it based upon? On mutual gratification, is it not? If I do not please you, you get rid of me; if I please you, you accept me either as your wife or as your neighbour or as your friend. That is the fact.

What is it that you call the family? Obviously it is a relationship of intimacy, of communion. In your family, in your relationship with your wife, with your husband, is there communion? Surely that is what we mean by relationship, do we not? Relationship means communion without fear, freedom to understand each other, to communicate directly. Obviously relationship means that - to be in communion with another. Are you? Are you in communion with your wife? Perhaps you are physically but that is not relationship.

You and your wife live on opposite sides of a wall of isolation, do you not? You have your own pursuits, your ambitions, and she has hers. You live behind the wall and occasionally look over the top - and that you call relationship. That is a fact, is it not? You may enlarge it, soften it, introduce a new set of words to describe it. but that is the fact - that you and another live in isolation, and that life in isolation you call relationship.

If there is real relationship between two people, which means there is communion between them, then the implications are enormous. Then there is no isolation; there is love and not responsibility or duty. It is the people who are isolated behind their walls who talk about duty and responsibility. A man who loves does not talk about responsibility - he loves. Therefore he shares with another his joy, his sorrow, his money. Are your families such? Is there direct communion with your wife, with your children? Obviously not.

Therefore the family is merely an excuse to continue your name or tradition, to give you what you want, sexually or psychologically, so the family becomes a means of self-perpetuation, of carrying on your name. That is one kind of immortality, one kind of permanency. The family is also used as a means of gratification. I exploit others ruthlessly in the business world, in the political or social world outside, and at home I try to be kind and generous. How absurd! Or the world is too much for me, I want peace and I go home. I suffer in the world and I go home and try to find comfort. So I use relationship as a means of gratification, which means I do not want to be disturbed by my relationship.

Thus relationship is sought where there is mutual satisfaction, gratification; when you do not find that satisfaction you change relationship; either you divorce or you remain together but seek gratification elsewhere or else you move from one relationship to another till you find what you seek - which is satisfaction, gratification, and a sense of self-protection and comfort. After all, that is our relationship in the world, and it is thus in fact.

Relationship is sought where there can be security, where you as an individual can live in a state of security, in a state of gratification, in a state of ignorance - all of which always creates conflict, does it not? If you do not satisfy me and I am seeking satisfaction, naturally there must be conflict, because we are both seeking security in each other; when that security becomes uncertain you become jealous, you become violent, you become possessive and so on. So relationship invariably results in possession in condemnation, in self-assertive demands for security, for comfort and for gratification, and in that there is naturally no love.

We talk about love, we talk about responsibility, duty, but there is really no love; relationship is based on gratification, the effect of which we see in the present civilization. The way we treat our wives, children, neighbours, friends is an indication that in our relationship there is really no love at all. It is merely a mutual search for gratification. As this is so, what then is the purpose of relationship? What is its ultimate significance? If you observe yourself in relationship with others, do you not find that relationship is a process of self-revelation? Does not my contact with you reveal my own state of being if I am aware, if I am alert enough to be conscious of my own reaction in relationship?

Relationship is really a process of self-revelation, which is a process of self-knowledge; in that revelation there are many unpleasant things, disquieting, uncomfortable thoughts, activities. Since I do not like what I discover, I run away from a relationship which is not pleasant to a relationship which is pleasant. Therefore, relationship has very little significance when we are merely seeking mutual gratification but becomes extraordinarily significant when it is a means of self-revelation and self-knowledge.

After all, there is no relationship in love, is there? It is only when you love something and expect a return of your love that there is a relationship. When you love, that is when you give yourself over to something entirely, wholly, then there is no relationship.

If you do love, if there is such a love, then it is a marvellous thing. In such love there is no friction, there is not the one and the other, there is complete unity. It is a state of integration, a complete being. There are such moments, such rare, happy, joyous moments, when there is complete love, complete communion. What generally happens is that love is not what is important but the other, the object of love becomes important; the one to whom love is given becomes important and not love itself.

Then the object of love, for various reasons, either biological, verbal or because of a desire for gratification, for comfort and so on, becomes important and love recedes. Then possession, jealousy and demands create conflict and love recedes further and further; the further it recedes, the more the problem of relationship loses its significance, its worth and its meaning.

Therefore, love is one of the most difficult things to comprehend. It cannot come through an intellectual urgency, it cannot be manufactured by various methods and means and disciplines. It is a state of being when the activities of the self have ceased; but they will not cease if you merely suppress them, shun them or discipline them. You must understand the activities of the self in all the different layers of consciousness. We have moments when we do love, when there is no thought, no motive, but those moments are very rare. Because they are rare we cling to them in memory and thus create a barrier between living reality and the action of our daily existence.

In order to understand relationship it is important to understand first of all what is, what is actually taking place in our lives, in all the different subtle forms; and also what relationship actually means. Relationship is self-revelation. it is because we do not want to be revealed to ourselves that we hide in comfort, and then relationship loses its extraordinary depth, significance and beauty. There can be true relationship only when there is love but love is not the search for gratification. Love exists only when there is self-forgetfulness, when there is complete communion, not between one or two, but communion with the highest; and that can only take place when the self is forgotten.

Source : from Jiddu Krishnamurti book "The First and Last Freedom"

What is the Purpose of Living ?

Jiddu Krishnamurti on Purpose of Living

Question: We live but we do not know why. To so many of us, life seems to have no meaning. Can you tell us the meaning and purpose of our living?


Jiddu Krishnamurti: Now why do you ask this question? Why are you asking me to tell you the meaning of life, the purpose of life? What do we mean by life? Does life have a meaning, a purpose? Is not living in itself its own purpose, its own meaning? Why do we want more? Because we are so dissatisfied with our life, our life is so empty, so tawdry, so monotonous, doing the same thing over and over again, we want something more, something beyond that which we are doing.

Since our everyday life is so empty, so dull, so meaningless, so boring, so intolerably stupid, we say life must have a fuller meaning and that is why you ask this question. Surely a man who is living richly, a man who sees things as they are and is content with what he has, is not confused; he is clear, therefore he does not ask what is the purpose of life. For him the very living is the beginning and the end. Our difficulty is that, since our life is empty, we want to find a purpose to life and strive for it.

Such a purpose of life can only be mere intellection, without any reality; when the purpose of life is pursued by a stupid, dull mind, by an empty heart, that purpose will also be empty. Therefore our purpose is how to make our life rich, not with money and all the rest of it but inwardly rich - which is not something cryptic.

When you say that the purpose of life is to be happy, the purpose of life is to find God, surely that desire to find God is an escape from life and your God is merely a thing that is known. You can only make your way towards an object which you know; if you build a staircase to the thing that you call God, surely that is not God. Reality can be understood only in living, not in escape.

When you seek a purpose of life, you are really escaping and not understanding what life is. Life is relationship, life is action in relationship; when I do not understand relationship, or when relationship is confused, then I seek a fuller meaning. Why are our lives so empty? Why are we so lonely, frustrated? Because we have never looked into ourselves and understood ourselves. We never admit to ourselves that this life is all we know and that it should therefore be understood fully and completely.

We prefer to run away from ourselves and that is why we seek the purpose of life away from relationship
. If we begin to understand action, which is our relationship with people, with property, with beliefs and ideas, then we will find that relationship itself brings its own reward. You do not have to seek. It is like seeking love. Can you find love by seeking it? Love cannot be cultivated. You will find love only in relationship, not outside relationship, and it is because we have no love that we want a purpose of life. When there is love, which is its own eternity, then there is no search for God, because love is God.

It is because our minds are full of technicalities and superstitious mutterings that our lives are so empty and that is why we seek a purpose beyond ourselves. To find life's purpose we must go through the door of ourselves; consciously or unconsciously we avoid facing things as they are in themselves and so we want God to open for us a door which is beyond. This question about the purpose of life is put only by those who do not love. Love can be found only in action, which is relationship.

Source: from book "The First and Last Freedom" by Jiddu Krishnamurti

Related Article:
Jiddu Krishnamurti on purpose of Existence

Never be faithful to your wife ?

Question – Osho, I know for sure that my wife is utterly faithful to me, but still doubt goes on lingering somewhere inside me. What should I do to get rid of the doubt?

Osho – Avinash,IN THE first place, why should you ask that she should be faithful to you? It is from there that doubt arises. The very desire that your wife should be faithful TO YOU is the beginning of doubt. Why? Who are you that she should be faithful to you? She should be faithful to herself, you should be faithful to yourself.

That’s what love is. If you love the woman, you would like her to be faithful to herself, because you would like her to be authentic. You would like her to be an individual in her own right. Why should you demand that she should be faithful to you? Who are you? – just a stranger.

YOU need not be faithful to her, you have to be faithful to yourself. This is my basic approach; it has to be understood well. Down the ages it has been said: be faithful to your husband, be faithful to your wife, be faithful to this and that. Nobody has told you: be faithful just to yourself.

And that’s exactly what my message is: be faithful to yourself. Then doubt disappears. Doubt is not good, but doubt is a by-product of a desire, a wrong desire – that she should be faithful to you. And how can you except anybody to be faithful to you? In that very expectation, you are asking something so unnatural that doubt will arise.

Who knows? – she may come across a beautiful man, far more beautiful than you are. And you know there are men who are far more beautiful. Fear, doubt, are bound to be there. Who knows? she may be getting fed-up with you!

In fact there is every possibility that you yourself are fed-up with yourself. You know how ugly you are, how ugly your habits are; she must have come to know by now. In the beginning things are different. When you meet a woman on the beach, just for a few hours things are different.

The full moon creates great illusions, and the ocean, and the vibrant air, and the silence, and the night, and the unknown territory… the woman. She is unknown to you, you are unknown to her; both would like to explore each other’s geographies. You are tremendously interested, she is, but once you have travelled the geography so many times, the same contours….

You know you are fed-up with your wife, so deep down the doubt arises that she may be fed-up with you. Don’t ask for faithfulness, ask for freedom. Give freedom so that you can have freedom. And if out of freedom you go on loving each other, it is beautiful. Out of freedom everything has beauty.

But out of a certain duty, if she even remains faithful to you, it has no value. When she comes across a beautiful man on the road and a longing arises in her heart to know this man, to be with this man, but she knows this is not right – she represses it. She has already gone away, she is no more with you. You may be holding her hand in your hand, but she is no more with you.

Her whole being has gone in that moment. She may not ever do anything, but in her fantasy, in her imagination… You cannot control her fantasy, you cannot control her imagination. In her dreams she may be making love to other people. And who makes love to one’s own husband in a dream? Have you ever heard of such a foolish woman or a foolish man? Have you ever made love to your own wife? – one always makes love to other people’s wives in dreams.

In dreams you are free and private. The magistrate is not there, the policeman is not there, the wife is not there, nobody is there. You are again free. So just on the surface you can fulfill formalities. The doubt is arising because you have a wrong expectation in the first place. I cannot help you to drop the doubt unless you drop the desire that your wife should be faithful to you.

Drop the desire that your wife should be faithful to you. Drop that, and then if you can create the doubt, it will be a miracle. Then how can doubt arise? We never go to the very root of problems, we only go on changing the symptoms. My help is available to you only to go to the deep root of the problem, to the very foundation of it. Change it there!

And you say, ”I KNOW FOR SURE THAT MY WIFE IS UTTERLY FAITHFUL TO ME.” How can you be so sure? You are just trying to convince yourself by using these words, that ”I am sure” – just using great words to hide something! You are not sure. See the cunningness of the mind. You are not sure, hence you are using the word ’sure’: ”I KNOW FOR SURE THAT MY WIFE IS UTTERLY FAITHFUL TO ME.”

Just faithfulness won’t do? Utterly faithful? Is there some doubt? Why UTTERLY faithful? A circle is simply a circle. You cannot say that this is a complete circle, UTTERLY circular. If it is a circle it is a circle! You cannot call it a perfect circle, because if it is not perfect it is not a circle, it must be something else. Watch, meditate on these words.

”BUT STILL,” you say, ”I DOUBT. SOMEWHERE DOUBT GOES ON LINGERING.” You doubt your wife? Are you certain about your faithfulness towards her? Maybe that’s why the doubt arises. You may be fooling around, if not actually, then in imagination. And then naturally the inference is there that your wife may be fooling around, if not actually, at least in imagination. And the male ego is such that it cannot allow even the wife to fool around in imagination.

The story is told of Mulla Nasruddin, who got married and spent a pleasant honeymoon with his bride. But one day he came to the office with a rather glum expression on his face. When his fellow clerks asked him what was bothering him he said, ”Gee, I pulled a terrible boner this morning. Getting out of bed I, like an absent-minded jackass, laid down a ten rupee note on the table.”

The other man consoled him. His wife wouldn’t think anything of it, they assured him.

”That isn’t what bothers me.” he answered. ”She gave me three rupees change!”

It may be your own mind. When a beautiful woman passes by, does something happen to you or not? Only in two cases will nothing happen: either you are dead or enlightened – which mean the same! Otherwise something is bound to happen. And then the suspicion: the same must be happening to your woman too, because she is as unenlightened as you are and as alive as you are. Maybe the doubt is there because you are not loving her as much as she would like you to love her.

And it happens to couples – how can you go on having the same peak of love that was there in the beginning, the honeymoon peak? One has to come down. Sooner or later one has to come down from the hills to the ordinary, mundane life.

Sooner or later one has to forget ali poetry, fantasy, romance. And then a fear arises: maybe I am not taking as much care as I should? Maybe this will become an opportunity for her to move with somebody else? Look into yourself….

A husband comes home and finds his wife in bed with a man. He is furious and wants to leave at once. The wife pleads, ”Give me a moment to explain. This man came to my door an hour ago and asked for something to eat. I gave him a sandwich.

I noticed that his shoes were worn out, so I looked in your closet and found a pair that you haven’t had on your feet for five years, and I gave him the shoes to put on. Then I saw that his jacket was very tom, so I went back to your closet and found a jacket that you haven’t worn for eight years. When he took his old jacket off to put yours on, I saw that his shirt was falling to pieces, so I opened your bureau drawer and gave him a shirt that you haven’t worn for the past twelve years.

Then as this man was going out of the door he turned to me and asked, ”Is there anything else around here that your husband doesn’t use?”

Avinash, it is not a question of your wife, it is a question of your own mind. Just look deep down… have you been with her? For how long have you not been with her? – I don’t mean physically, I mean spiritually. For how long have you not seen her face? – just remember; for how long have you not looked into her eyes? Figure it out, and you will be surprised that for years you have taken her for granted, and that may be the cause of your doubt.

Remember, problems are always part of your mind. Go deep into them. In the first place, don’t ask that she should be faithful to you; that is violent. Nobody has the right to ask anybody to be faithful towards him. Help her to be faithful towards herself.

And secondly, look inside your own being. Are you still in love with her? If you are, then the doubt is not possible. The doubt simply reflects that your love has disappeared. Life has become a drag; you have started taking her for granted.

Love is no more there. Now it is only a hangover, hence the doubt. Bring the love back, bring the poetry back, bring the romance back. And those who are intelligent, they can bring it back every day. Every morning they can look at the wife, at the husband, with fresh eyes.


Go on dying to the past experiences, so that you can remain available to the present, fresh, young, utterly intelligent, and then life has a totally different flavor. Then these stupid things don’t arise in the mind at all.

Source: from Osho Book “The Guest”

How to keep excited in relationship?

[A sannyasin, returning to the West, says that the joy and fun has gone out of his relationship with his girlfriend, though the love is still there.]

Osho – There is some misunderstanding in your mind. The joy is not gone, joy has never been there – it was something else. It is excitement that has gone but you were thinking that excitement was joy. Joy will come now; when the excitement subsides only their does joy come. Joy is a very silent phenomenon. It is not excitement at all, it is not feverish at all.

It is tranquil, calm and cool. But in the West that misunderstanding has become very prevalent. People think that excitement is joy It is a kind of intoxication one feels occupied, tremendously occupied. In that occupation one forgets one’s worries, problems, anxieties. So it is like alcohol: you forget your problems, you forget yourself; at least for the moment you are far, far away from yourself. That is the meaning of excitement: you are no more inside; you are outside yourself, you have escaped from yourself.

But because of this being outside yourself, sooner or later you become tired. You miss the nourishment that comes from your innermost core when you are close to it. So no excitement can be permanent; it can only be a moment’s phenomenon, a momentary thing. All honeymoons end, they have to end, otherwise you will be killed. If you remain excited you will go berserk. It has to subside, you have to be nourished there again.

It is just as one cannot remain awake for many nights. For one night, two nights, three nights, it is okay, but if you remain awake for too many nights you will start feeling tired, utterly tired, exhausted. And you will start feeling dull and dead too; you will need rest. After each excitement there is a need for rest. In rest you recapitulate, you recover; then you can move into excitement again.

But excitement is not joy, it is just an escape from misery. Try to understand it very clearly: excitement is just an escape from misery. It gives only a pseudo experience of joy. Because you are no more miserable you think you are joyous – not to be miserable is equivalent to being joyous. Joy is a positive phenomenon. Not to be miserable is just a forgetfulness. The misery is waiting back home for you: whenever you come back it will be there.

When excitement disappears, one starts thinking ’Now what is the point of this love?’ In the West love dies with excitement, and that is a calamity. In fact love had never been born. It was just love of excitement, it was not real love. It was just an effort to move away from oneself It was a search for sensation. You rightly use the word ’fun’; it was fun but it was not intimacy. When excitement disappears and you just start feeling loving, love can grow; now the feverish days are over. This is the true beginning.

To me, the true love begins when the honeymoon is over. But by that time the western mind thinks that all is over, finished: ’Search for another woman, search for another man. Now what is the point in continuing? – there is no more fun!’

If you go on loving now, love will take on a depth, it will become intimacy. A great grace will arise in it. It will have a subtlety now, it will not be superficial. It will not be fun, it will be meditation, it will be prayer. It will help you to know yourself. The other will become a mirror, and through her you will be able to know yourself. Now is the time, the right time for love to grow because all the energy that was being channelled into excitement will not be wasted: it will be poured into the very roots of love and the tree will be able to have great foliage.

If you can go on growing in this intimacy, which is no more excitement, then joy will arise: first excitement, then love, then joy. Joy is the ultimate product, the fulfilment. Excitement is just a beginning, a triggering; it is not the end. And those who finish at excitement will never know what love is, will never know the mystery of love, will never come to know the joy of love. They will know sensations, excitement, passionate fever, but they will never know the grace that is love. They will never know how beautiful it is to be with a person with no excitement but with silence, with no words, with no effort to do anything.

Just being together, sharing one space, one being, sharing each other, not thinking of what to do, what to say, where to go, how to enjoy; all those things are gone. The storm is over and there is silence. And it is not that you will not make love but it will not be a making really; it will be love happening. It will happen out of grace, out of silence, out of rhythm; it will arise from your depths, it will not be bodily really.

There is a sex which is spiritual, which has nothing to do with the body. Although the body partakes in it, participates in it, it is not the source of it. Then sex takes on the colour of Tantra, only then.

So my suggestion is: watch yourself. Now that you are coming closer to the temple don’t escape. Go into it. Forget excitement, it is just childish. And something beautiful is ahead. If you can wait for it, if you have patience and can trust in it, it will come. And to know love is to know God….

Who is responsible ?

Q: Guruji, I think life is miserable. What should I do?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: You think life is miserable because you are hanging onto desires of the past, impossibles of the past, you are not accepting the present, you are not moving ahead or you are hoping for something too much. Correct? Be practical. Life is a mixture of problems and pleasure. What does your mind do? It messes up the problems and blows it out of proportion and makes oneself miserable. So who isresponsible for your misery? Yourself. So when is the program? When is the program not to be miserable? 

(Laughter) Now, right now have you gotten over your misery right now? (A dim ‘yes’ from the audience) The ‘Yes!’ should be louder (A strong ‘Yes’ this time). That is it.You know, if the room is dark for 20 years, it doesn’t take another 20 years to bring light in. it just needs one connection, one switch on and the whole darkness goes away. Your life may have been miserable in the past, but wake up and see, so what? Problems come and go in everybody’s life. Look at your past, problems came and they have all vanished. Right? We forcefully make the problem stay, just wake up and see, where is the problem? The problem is not there. You can have some physical problem in the body sometimes, some pain here and there but is there anyone who has never suffered physical illness?Everybody has some physical problem at some point in their lives and when you violate laws of nature, pain comes, suffering comes. Pain is inevitable, suffering isoptional.

Q: Guruji, is there any past birth and rebirth?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: This question is futile now. You know why? Because it is proven by the scientist community, it is beyond doubt now. Parapsychological department in psychological clinics have done experiments and past life regression is used as a therapy in most of the clinics and many people have gotten well. You can also do an eternity process hereand ask the teacher to take you deep in it. Have your experience, it’s not a big thing.It is beyond question now, it is a fact.

Q: How to overcome fear, anxiety and insecurity?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Fear, anxiety and insecurity are same shades of the same color. One is slightly brown, another is dark and the third one is the darkest brown. Grey is a better color, light, medium and dark gray. Meditation, pranayama and the faith that you are not alone, faith in the Divine will definitely help. Divine faith is very abstract, at least faith in the Guru, teacher is there, Master is there, faith in yourself, faith in the universal spirit, faith in the goodness of people around. There are good people in the world. When you thinkeverybody is wrong, everybody is bad then insecurity dawns. Suppose this is not your experience and you have found wrong people, who had deceived you all the time then at least look for good, enlightened people. Ok, now if you understand all this intellectual stuff and still anxiety comes, then what to do? Sudarshan Kriya,pranayama and meditation.

After the Tsunami (in South-east Asia, 2004), so many people could not sleep, they couldn’t even see the ocean. A lady witnessed her three to four children being washed away, she had a child in her arms and she couldn’t do anything for she had to look for her own self. Such incidents happened in front of so many people. So many families, somebody’s children, somebody’s wife, somebody’s parents were flooded away. All people were saying, ‘Take us anywhere but not the ocean’. And all those were fishermen. What would a fisherman do on mid land? After the earthquake, people couldn’t get into their homes. For days, people slept outside their houses on roads till our workers, our volunteers went there and taught them Pranayama, bhastrika and meditation, and then they went to their homes. That is where trauma relief, meditation, pranayama, Sudarshan Kriya helps tremendously. We have hundreds and thousands of such experiences and you should go through their experiences. In a matter of two days fishermen said, ‘Give us boats and we want to go out into the ocean’. They had come out of fear, anxiety.

This hashappened with thousands of people.I am telling you we have such beautiful knowledge, practices that can take us out of misery, worries, anxiety, conflicts and suicidal tendencies. Just in the recent past, 20 students in Bombay alone committed suicide. In Bombay, Maharashtra, suicidal tendency among youngsters is so high that we have announced that anybody having the slightest tendency to commit suicide, call us at the Art of Living helpline. Our volunteers and teachers are working 24x7 to help them out.

The YES!+ program (Youth empowerment seminar) has helped 1000s of youth to come out of suicidal tendencies. All this happens because we don’t see life from a bigger, broader perspective; A girl got 92 percent and committed suicide for she could not get admission in the college of her choice. Because you don’t give them spiritual education, a bigger vision and ask them to only perform and perform that the pressure of performing better, pressure of marks becomes bigger than life itself. Don’t pressurize children too much, we have to give them a broader vision. Never mind you lose one year. Life is more precious than your profession, your success, your so-called success, your finance, and your prestige in society. Finance is for life and not life for finance. These all are only periphery, accessories for life and not the core of life, existence. This vision has to be brought to children.

Wake up and see everybody is caught up in their own things. Whether your financial status goes up or down, whether your relation is going good or bad, who cares insociety? I tell you, nobody cares. Don’t worry about what others may think, what will my status in society be? If you are doing well they are jealous of you, if you are not doing well they don’t even count you. In either case, you don’t have to worry about others’ opinion about you, to show yourself up. And these inter cast marriages; parents are worried what others will think of their children. Who has got time to think to whom your son or daughter got married to?Whether it is in outcast or same, let it be, let it be outcast, you be more free, happy. (laughter and applause) These are silly, insignificant things that people have put in their minds and worry. Wake up and see, there is so much love in life, there is so much wisdom in life.

Q: Do impressions in the mind have a role to play in the next birth?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Yes, your impressions in the mind are responsible for your next birth. Your strongest impression is the factor.

Q: Yesterday, you said there is no significant purpose for the universe but it is also said that every individual is born for some purpose. Isn’t it contradictory?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Truth is contradictory. Every little thing has a purpose, at the same time, it has no purpose because this whole thing is a game. If you consider the world as a game, then there is no purpose. A game has no purpose, it is an expression of joy. Dance doesn’t have a goal because dance in itself is an expression of happiness.What is the purpose of you laughing? Does laughter have any purpose? You are happy, so you laugh. You don’t have to wait for a joke to laugh. You know, children don’tunderstand jokes but they laugh, babies do laugh. If you think jokes are the only reason for one to laugh then babies would never laugh till they understand your jokes. You have an illusion that you have to listen to a joke to laugh. Laughter has nopurpose because it is an expression of being, an expression of joy.


Love has no purpose because it is your very nature. The sun has no purpose to send its rays. If you ask me, why does sun shine, what does it achieve? I’ll say, ‘Oh my God, you are such a businessman, you need a purpose for everything!’ The sun shines because it is its nature. It can’t but shine. So, in this context, I said, ‘Whenever you think, ‘what is the purpose?’ you are caught up in the cause and effect phenomenon. 


No doubt, the cause and effect phenomenon is there, it is a law of nature but truth is beyond the cause and effect phenomenon. Divinity is much bigger, more vaster, Divinity is beyond that. It is much bigger and vaster, so in this sense I said, there is no purpose.Sun shines because it is its nature, wind blows because it is its nature. What is the purpose of the tsunami? Was it just to kill people? If it’s purpose was to kill people only then it must have hit only those areas in which people lived. But it hit those areas also where there were no people. Nature is beyond cause and effect or conclusion, theory, understanding or misunderstanding. It is the existence which is total, beyond purpose. So you can say, virtually there is no purpose. If at all you have to pin down to a purpose then the purpose of nature is to take you to the Source, is to remind you of the Source, connect you to your Source.



Q: How can the Self be love, joy and peace? Aren’t they all different?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Can there be joy without peace? (No, said the audience). If you want to make a distinction, then peace is very mild and always connected to disturbances, love is more to the heart and could be hate or love. Then joy, you find small or big joy. But they are all your nature. Like you can see, you can hear, you can smell, you can taste, but it is all you. There is something deep inside you which unifies all. All emotions are part of you. Their functions and expressions are different but all are in you. All arise in your mind. In this sense, they all are one, in another sense they are all different.

When you smile you are different, when you sleep you are different, when you eat you are different but all are you. In this sense, they all are one. When someone dies, people stand up and say, ‘Let’s have a moment of peace’. Certainly that is not a joyous occasion and nobody will say, ‘Let’s have a moment of joy,somebody has died’. In some joyful celebration, like marriage, people don’t say,‘Let’s have a moment of peace’, that will always be called a moment of joy. My dear, all are part of you, all arise in you and in that sense all are one, all are linked.




Q: What is thought, Why it comes and from where it comes?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Is this a thought? It came in you? Why did it come? Now find out. As soon as you realize this, the question is, itself, a thought and it has come in you, you have answers for the first two questions. And why does it come? Because of a lack of any other questions.Now I want you find its source. When you start finding source of thought, you have started on a journey for which you are here. Our journey is to find the source, from where this thought has arisen. I want all of you to be scientists. Scientist goes on experimenting, asking questions. It’s a very goodopportunity to find out where it comes from? What is its origin? Since it comes in you, you find its answer. If it doesn’t come in you and somebody else, then I’llanswer.



Q: There is so much conflict and violence in world in the name of religion. Is there a need of religion?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Communists opposed religion for 50 years. They didn’t get success. Communist people think religious people, especially in Russia and China are very authoritarian, they don’t give freedom. So they want to be done with religion but did they not unleash much more violence? In Stalin, Lenin and Mao Zedong, millions were massacred in the name of communism. Religion ruled with fear, fear of you being sent to hell. Religious leaders were authoritarian, trying to get hold of society by creating guilt and fear in people. Communist also did the same thing but not with guilt but with fear. They remove only guilt but they couldn’t remove fear, instead they instill more fear and violence in society. I don’t think communism did any better. It didn’t make people rich. After 50 years, people have come back. A big church in Moscow was demolished and a swimming pool was made instead of it. Today that swimming pool is demolished and a church is made again. I think it is humanism which is most important. If humanism is there in religion, it does good. And when humanism disappears from religion, it becomes like a mafia. In the same way, communism also ignored humanism. So when humanism went away, violence and fear dominated even in communism. These Maoists party! Did it do any good in the country, in all 213 districts? Itdidn’t make anybody rich. So you can’t be done away with religion.
We need to have inter-religious communication, inter-religion faith. Every child should know a little bit about other religions also. Yes, we don’t need religions if all become spiritual. If we can transform this world into a higher plane of religion, which is spirituality then it will really be an intelligent thing to do. But just opposing religion ascommunists do, can’t serve any purpose. It is like throwing the baby with the bath water. Because religion has some moral values, some human values, it gives somestrength and solace, and if you also take solace without replacing it with spirituality then you are doing injustice in the society.



Q: Why are love marriages and arranged marriages increasingly leading to divorces?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Yes, divorce is happening day by day while family values are eroding, the generation gap is widening and interdependence is being forgotten.Husband and wife forget that they are interdependent. They need each other and both look for independence. I haven’t done any research on this why this is happening. (laughter) but if some of you do that research and publish a paper it will be good. Atleast people will be aware of these pitfalls. Whether it is a love marriage or arranged marriage, marriage is always a chance, if it clicks it is a chance. Sometimes it may appear to have clicked for a short period of time but in the long run, it becomes a question mark. And vice versa also. Sometimes in the beginning it may appear to be completely incompatible but as time goes itbecomes very compatible. It is like a chameleon – changing colors all the time. If someone can see this, they have a hope. And if it appears to be not so, then move on without guilt because there is no point in suffering life long. If you have given 100 percent then you better move on your path and let the other move on his/her pathrather making the whole live of both, miserable. But the question is whether you have given your 100 percent, have you made all the effort to make it work? That is important.


Q: What is the importance of horoscope matching when it comes to marriage?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Astrology is a science but all astrologers are not scientists. (laughter) First of all, you don’t know whether the time of your birth and all other factors are right or not. Sometimes, we don’t keep records and there are variousfactors. There is probability in all those factors. So, if you find someone who is good, the astrologer says, ‘Good, it does have a value but it is always with a pinch of salt.’It is said that there was a great astrologer of this country and he made all thehoroscopes of his daughter. But his daughter’s marriage didn’t work. It was quoted as a probability factor.In all scientific experiments, there is always a probability factor – may be, may not be.So we must take it with that probability and not as definite.



Q: What is the difference between God (Parmatma) and Devta?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Parmatma is the sun, devta is its ray. Without the sun, there is no ray and without the ray, there is no sun. A ray has all seven colors, these all different devtas. God is the combination of all the seven colors. God is certainly not made of one color. When all colors combine, white is obtained and that is Parmatma. You can understand this like different organs - eyes, ears, nose, all combine to form you. Your eyes are different from ears, your nose is different from tongue but all is part of you. The totality of the whole creation, with all the energies is given a name and it is called Parmatma, Parampita (supreme father). In ancient terminology, God is called Parmatma, Parampita.
Why only Parampit , He is also Parammata (Supreme mother).Why should God be called father only? God is also the mother. God is father, mother and God is also the Self. All Gods, goddesses are like rays of the sun, one sunlight and all the rays together is God but these are all different aspects of God. All are different aspects of the one Divine like in one human being, one cell somewhere becomes the eyes, somewhere the ears, somewhere the nose, and all this has happened from one fertilized cell, embryo. So, God is the sum total of all Divine elements and in the Vedic times, ancient rishis identified all these elements and called then devtas. They designated 33 types of Divine energy and called them devta and they tell how these are connected with the cosmos, like the eyes are connected with the sun. They established connection between the micro cosmos and macro cosmos. …It is very amazing analysis, amazing science of unity of the universe. It is not too many Gods, it is aspects of God. Though you are one, you have different functions. When you sleep you are different, when you smile you are different, when you eat, you are different. Crore means category, 33 crores means 33 categories of devas. Crore is also a number, 10 million but here it is not referred to as a number. 33 crore means 330 million and so people started taking that way.


Q: What is difference between prayer and meditation?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Prayer is asking, meditation is listening. In prayer, you ask, ‘Give me this, give me that’, giving instructions, demanding. In meditation, you say, ‘I am here to listen, what is it that you want to tell? Tell me, whenever you are free, I am here. Culmination of prayer is meditation. Prayer goes to the peak and that is meditation.